Thumb Sac.

I accidentally slit my thumb open while carving a cheese, but when the blood oozes out it's this sort of gelatinous mass, about the same texture and consistency of a shoe insert. I cannot wipe it away with a sponge, and even scraping it with a callus shaver accomplishes nothing.

I go to the doctor after about three days of consistent bleeding, the wobbly crimson bulb at the end of my thumb now the size of a cue ball. On the bus to the clinic, a pack of teens called me a "fucked up amniotic sac thumbed idiot," which hurt more than I had expected.

The doctor says he cannot lance the gleaming sac, for if he does so the sudden change of pressure might cause me to expel out all my bones and organs through the thumbhole, which he assures me will be quite painful. Instead, he's prescribed me large dosages of highly addictive opiates, just to kill time.

The glistening moron at the end of my thumb is still growing, now about the size of a human head. I saw a little bit of organ matter in there yesterday.

I should probably be more worried, but these opiates are absolutely wonderful.