October 18, 2023.

Ship Time: 0001408092, whatever that means.

Dear diary. I thought stowing away on this ark would be a good idea, but the “life support systems” just administered high doses of morphine to the legitimate passengers and they all fuckin died within moments of takeoff, except for that one guy Sven who survived the OD and asked me to kill him. I guess I should have, because he died anyway and the expression on his face and the claw marks on his throat when I found him a couple days later was NOT happy. Real bummer.

Anyway, so I’m just chillin in the ark. There’s a lot of nice amenities here, and enough canned food and canned water for probably the rest of my life, but man if it isn’t sort of a downer to be the only one alive here. I guess it’s better than dying scratching at my throat like Sven. None of the video game consoles work and there’s like four movies total, and how many times do I want to watch Cannonball Run. There are knives in the kitchen so I guess I’ll just, what, cut my wrists? My throat? with one of those once I get bored enough.

Can’t go into the lower decks for now, stinks of dead guys. No good place to ride my board, all the hallways are too narrow, NOT fun. Keep hearing weeping in any of the admin decks tho but I think that’s in my head because I’m going totally b-a-n-a-n-a-s. Gwen Stefani.