Gnome Advice.

Are you having problems with GNOMES climbing in through your WINDOWS or SMALL PORTALS? Are they stealing all of your LEFTOVERS and SOAP? Don't waste your time buying store brand GNOME REPELLENT or the pricier GNOME-B-GONE.

When you find a gnome curled up in your HAMPER or a SPOT OF SUNLIGHT, just quietly murder it, mix its entrails with a healthy dose of PAPRIKA (gnomes hate paprika!) and ROCK SALT (gnomes hate rock salt!) and drape the entrails over your THRESHOLD.

This will frighten away all further GNOME INCURSIONS, but if you want a more flair, don't be afraid of getting a little creative with the remaining pieces of gnome! A GNOME WREATH or GNOME DOOR KNOCKER is a great way to tell your neighbors that you won't be having gnome problems any more.

This isn't an OLD WIVES TALE. This REALLY WORKS! Post pictures of your GNOME PIECES in the comments below!