NICETOBER STORY #14:

I am pleased to announce that my "Nicetober" experiment has been a complete success. This previous week of making only nice posts on Facebook.com has fundamentally altered the fabric of our society (for the better), and now things are good. All those things that were bad? They're good now. All the existential dread? Now it's existential BREAD, because: cash money, baby!

Having recharted the course of human existence from disaster to a shining utopia of brotherhood and compassion, I now feel comfortable enough to return to telling my spinetingling Spooktober Stories. Prepare to get your socks shivered off, starting tomorrow!

NICETOBER STORY #13:

It's meme time. Relax with a nice farm fresh meme. The world will be here when you get back. Meme time.

NICETOBER STORY #12:

The moon and the Earth have been hanging out so long that they have nothing left to say, but it's a pretty comfortable silence. Sometimes when there's a tsunami or nuclear bomb explosion or something the moon will say "damn man, that sucks," which the Earth appreciates.

NICETOBER STORY #11:

dry shampoo. i never used it. don't know how it works and i don't want to learn. you dump some flour lookin shit on your head and then your hair is? clean? huh? cool. its cool. thanks. it's nice. nicetober story number 11#

NICETOBER STORY #10:

Hooray for the local library! Hooray for librarians and all the helpful services they provide! Hip hip hooray for all that stuff!

NICETOBER STORY #9:

it's cool

NICETOBER STORIES #8:

Captain James America runs into the room (pissed). He shouts at Toby Stark (ironic man): "Listen here, you fiend, what did you do with my favorite shield? You slime!"

"Why don't you look inside this box?" snickers Toby. James opens the box and his jaw hits the very floor! Because inside it is another ironic man suit, made from parts of his favorite shield.

"I cant believe you'd do such a kind act, Toby," says James America through tears of happiness. "You destroyed my shield and made a beautiful new ironic man suit for me."

"Happy birthday," laughs Toby, grinning.

The world sucks so for a few days we're switching to
NICETOBER STORIES #7:

You, me, Blaz, Ed the Lorcher, Kitty Karen, Seven Kung Fu Kween, and Mickey Roach all sit around the campfire, really goddam full on toasted cheese and s'mores. Seven lets out a big ol burp.

"Bark bark!" barks Idiot the dog, running circles around us.

"Good girl," says Kitty Karen. "You know what? I think this might be heaven, guys. It's just that nice."

"You're right, Kitty Karen," says Ed the Lorcher. "This is pretty nice. Maybe we died and went to heaven."

All of us nod and pat our full bellies. Maybe it is heaven!

But it's not. It's just a really pleasant evening.